Mexico is always fun. However there is one thing I can’t stand, THE TRAFFIC!!! I wonder how people put up with that? It takes 30 min. to get to the closest place you need to go to.  And that is of course if they are not working on the road or anything like that.  One night I took Daniel to a  birthday party, and I left a bit early to "avoid" the rush hour.  Well, unfortunately my shortcuts were being  worked on and it took me 2 hours to get back home.  It was so horrible! I was so frustated!, I know I will never go back and live in Mexico City, but now I also want to make sure I don’t stay there too long when I’m there. 

I was in Mexico City for only 10 days.  So I wanted Daniel to spend as much time with his cousins as possible. But since I was also a bit delicate with the pregnancy I had to take it easy.   However we still managed to see them quite a bit.  They are so different, it’s like night and day.  They live most of the time indoors while Daniel is bearly inside the house.  I really don’t know what to do with him indoors, he’s not much into painting, or manual things, and even though he has tons of toys, it’s still not enough for more than a couple of hours at a time.  However his cousins hardly ever leave their house, and if they do, it’s only for a couple of hours.  On the weekends it’s a different story, because my brother and his wife are home from work so they take them along everywhere.  And they visit my parents, I guess this is the time when you miss having a house.  Leaving in an apartment can be comfortable for grownups, but for kids it’s like living in jail.  Well, obviously I see it like that with Daniel, because he’s fortunate and spends most of his time outside. Anyway, we still managed to have a good time and enjoy the little ones.  We went to the park and shopping and everything else. 

I like to call them the Einsteins, they are the same age as Daniel and they can count to 10, tell all the colors in spanish and now even in english.  They can do so many things, they have this great nanny that teaches them all this stuff.  Oh well, what makes me comfortable is that eventually Daniel will get there, there is no hurry.   There is time for everything and soon Daniel will start learning that kind of stuff in school.   I must say that our educational styles are so different from American to European or perhaps I should say Scandinavian (I’m not so familiar with the south of Europe’s educational system).  It seems like here in Sweden the kids are more into practical stuff.  I would say that most of their learning is done with their parents until 18 months and then in Daycare, they emphasize in learning by playing.  They have a session for singing, baking, etc.  And they spend at least 2 hours a day outside playing with whatever there is available in the park, from sandbox, tricycles, snow sled, ball or whatever.  The weather doesn’t seem to be any kind of problem for this people, just dress the little one correctly and go for it.

"The Child Whisperer" That should be the new name for Håkan.  I started noticing his abilities during Christmas. It all started when Daniel got sick.  He was coughing non-stop, so by the third day we called the doctor and he gave him some penicilin and something for the cough.  I thought it would be impossible to give him 3 times a day the medicin, but Håkan said decisively, "I’ll do it". Last time, I did it, and it didn’t go very well, he puked everthing. My approach was… let’s do it quick so that he wont even notice.  So I shoved the stupid spoon measure down his throat, and I think I must have done it too far, cause he immediately felt like puking….. Håkan was a bit angry, and since that time, he promised he would do it instead.  That was 6 months ago. 

This time when we saw all the medicin I didn’t even try it. He sat with him on his lap and started telling him about the medicin.  I just heard a bit about how well it would make him feel, etc.  it took about 20 minutes, and Håkan had to have the medicin first, but IT WORKED! Daniel took it without making a big deal about it.  Right after the medicin he got a bit of water and then came the next spoon.  It was amazing!!! I couldn’t believe it.  Daniel was not all that convinced, but he was taking all the medicin 3 times a day with the same procedure.  There was no crying or hesitance.  It was very inspiring.

And this is just the beginning, he’s been trying this approach for most other things and its working. For example, when its time to leave the house, or when it’s time to get back in the house.  It’s all done very nicely.

Sorry, I’ve been quiet for a few weeks, but I made an agreement with Håkan to keep it to ourselves, and all I wanted to write about was that. 

So after some talks, we’ve decided to share it.  Yes, you’ve guessed right, I am pregnant. But it’s just the second month and that’s why we are not celebrating anything yet.  In the 4th week I had a bit of bleeding, and the doctor advised me to stop exercising, carrying heavy things, NO SEX, and to basically take it easy for a while.  And in that same week Håkan gets injured.  So it’s been a bit difficult in our household.  Plus the fact that we have no relatives in town makes it more challenging.

When I told my mom the news she was ready to jump on the next flight, but we thouhgt it was unnecessary.  I’m not going to lie to you, it’s been tough for all of us, but we’ve been managing. Håkan has stepped up for the challenge and somehow he’s made it work.  You should have seen  him last week when he took Daniel out for a spin in his little car. I was a bit worried that Daniel was using his little car and Håkan couldn’t limp fast enough behind him. What if Daniel suddenly ran into the street and Håkan couldn’t move fast enough to catch him?  But later on, he showed me his strategy.  He can literally keep up by doing a combination of jumping on one foot and running, and at the same time limping.  It looked hilarious!!! it’s like watching a funny Kangaroo in the middle of winter.  

Daycare was a great help until a serious stomach bug made half the school sick.  Daniel was about the last one to get stomach sick and had to stay home for 3 days. And that was pretty hard on me.  I’ve been very tired and trying not to carry Daniel too much.  This has of course been a challenge, but I’ve come up with some activities such as shopping, visiting a local pet store etc. and things have worked out well.  Although I would welcome some more creative ideas.

Now that Daniel is growing is getting more and more obvious that Daddy is having a blast with his kid.  I think it’s so healthy to have children, I’ve noticed that even I’ve become a bit of a girl again.   As wild as I always was, I like to sit in the back of the snow slide with Daniel and go down a steep hill.  Although I thought I was being adventurous… until I saw Håkans version of fun!!!!!

Håkan saw the paper yesterday and there was a SNOW RACER.  He said straight away…. "YOU NEED TO GET ONE OF THESE, TOMORROW!!!!" OK, I understand that we need to use it while there is still snow, so I obediently went and got one.  When he came home from work he put it together, changed into some pants, and took Daniel with him to the slope.  I cooked and then met them half way.  On our way home we stopped by the ski hill we have behind our house.  It’s a bunny slope, but in one of these sleds it feels like the tallest mountain in the alps.  Maybe not for us grown ups, but for Daniel, this must be the Everest! Anyway, I saw Daddy walking up there…. Sure enough he walks up 30 yards and lets him go alone.  Poor Daniel is holding on to his life on his way down, and at the same time it’s so much fun!!!

In a way I’m jealous because it looks so cool, but there is also the mother in me telling me…. " my good, if he falls, he could break his neck, he could hit his head really hard, etc, etc….. "  why do we have to spoil the fun?????  but I can’t help it.  I know I could never let him do that, I would jump in the sled with him and I would die before I let anything happen to him.   And Håkan’s thinking is… "where is he going to go?", I’m right here.  And Håkan is supposed to be the safe one in the family.  Oh Well, that’s the big difference in being a Mother and a Dad.  

As you can imagine, I’ve read about this subject as much as any parent, looked into different approaches, etc, you name it.  But not until now I got myself into a situation where things got out of hand. I came to realize that I ‘m probably fucking it all up as we speak ANYWAY!!.  This morning was the first RED LIGHT. I’m taking Daniel to daycare, normally it takes me 20 min to get him dressed because we have this game going on, that he likes for me to run after him, and when I catch him he lets me put on a garment.  This game was harmless and fun, I thought, until this routine kept taking longer and longer.   Plus the fact that in this f…. country you need to put three layers of clothing on him to keep him warm outside (sorry, I’m a bit frustrated this morning).  So this is what happened today: Keep in mind that I’m also trying to respect his will and  his choices.  And I’m also trying to give him responsibilityand  thinking of his self-esteem. Also keep in mind that he’s supposed to go to daycare at 9:00am, I normally make it by 9:15.

8am I try to change his diaper first thing, he says "no", so I wait….let him run around

8:10am he poops, I ask him if I can change his diaper now?  (I’m thinking,  uuuuh what a  smart kid he was trying to tell me that he wants to pooh before  I change him.) His answer is still "NO", ok, maybe he’s not done

8:20am He must be done now… Can I change your diaper now? No, OK, then I really need to change your diaper now.  So I try to calmly explain to him that it’s getting late and it’s time to get dressed for daycare. But he still refuses to let me change his diaper, he arches his back on the floor and starts kicking and screaming. So I pick him up anyway and put him on the changing table HE BITES ME SO F.. HARD, that I’m about to cry.  I get really upset and put him firmly on the table, he starts grabbing whatever he has near and throws it at me.  I clean him up and he keeps kicking, I calm him down, and even make him laugh….and ask if he lets me put a diaper on. He says no, so I let him down, and I get ready myself.

8:30 am He’s still running around  the apartment without a diaper, I go again with the "talking" approach. "We need to get ready honey", bla bla bla.  He keeps playing. I’m thinking to myself, am I such a f…. wimp that I can’t even get my 20 month old to get dressed??? I’m trying not to loose it with him, Hakan said I shouldn’t scream at him. (easy to say when you see him just 1.5 hours a day). 

8:40 I decide that since it’s too late, I will dress him myself while he’s playing, so there I am running after him with a shirt in my hand getting it thru his head, then while he’s distracted with some blocks I put on his diaper and pants.  Now I just need a sweater, which he refuses.  I’m also letting him choose his clothes, since I read it was good for them too.  The next sweater I just put on, I don’t even ask him anymore.

8:50 Now he wants something to eat before we leave.  (Yes, it’s already too fu….. late anyway, so I give him some fruit and bread) Now it’s time for the outer layer of his clothes. 

9:05 He obviously doesn’t want to put the SKI OUTFIT ON. By this time, I already lost it.  So I’m raising my voice telling him that now it’s too late and we need to go.  He’s not so amused but at least it’s not the tantrum that I got earlier.  First the pants, then the jacket, gloves, hat, boots… etc, he’s now cooperating better.  Now it’s not funny anymore, but even when he cooperates it’s hard to put everything on.

9:15 We finally leave the house, I put him in the carriage and we arrive at Daycare at 9:25am.

The head of department, looks at me and says: "Again, overslept????" So at this time, I loose my pride  and I tell her what happened.  He had never bit me like this before, it was a very hard bite on my breast, plus he was kicking and swinging very hard with his arms.  I told her how I wasand about the things I was thinking. I don’t want to hit him or scream at him really loud. And I’ve tried talking and letting him do his will, and leaving some choices to him so that he feels included and not like everything is forced upon him.  I don’t want him to feel like in prison and that’s why it’s true that sometimes I let him do what he wants. But sometimes I just can’t.    

The girl at daycare looked at me and said:  "It’s so good that you tell us these things, most parents don’t say anything"  Well, she started saying that he doesn’t do this at school (which was a relief), and then she pointed out some mistakes I’ve been making (which were obvious, but sometimes hard to realize in the middle of things). Here is in a summary what she said and 95% of it you can find it in any book, but I dare you to do it, even when you have read it 1000 times (as I have):

Rule #1: Be firm and change the tone of your voice when reprimanding. Explain that such behavior is not acceptable.

Rule #2: Look at him in the eye, to make sure he’s listening.

Rule #3: Lower yourself to his height, speak to him at his level.

Rule #4: BE CONSISTENT!!!!!!!! my biggest mistake… I’ve been sending mixed messages, sometimes it’s ok to run around and play, and sometimes it isn’t.  I would have thought that was understood by both of us, since it had been working out perfect for the longest time, but now…. it just changed.  And now I know why???, He is just testing his boundaries, and this is one of them.

 Its so hard for me to accept that I’m wrong, I don’t know if I was just very sensitive, but as I was walking back home I was crying, I knew I had put myself in this position and I just thought of Daniel in 5 years. What if at this time he slaps me in the face in the middle of the grocery store because I wouldn’t get him some cookies.  I would certainly slap him back…. But this is exactly the kind of behavior that I always thought was typical of a BAD MOTHER!!! I always thought that when I decided to be a mother I would be a good one.  But now I don’t know if by trying too hard I’m fucking up ANYWAY. 

So I wrote in Spanish the summary of this weekend’s match.  But this funny incident will be in English!!! I went on the court and Håkan and Daniel were watching my match.  As I came out, everyone was congratulating me, I could bearly walk, my whole body was non-functional.  But I was still in the clouds about the fact that I had just beaten a 14 year old girl.  And a pretty decent girl too, one who ran a lot and was pretty smart on the court. But the best was yet to come.

Håkan said, hey! I got something for you…. I said "ok". He said he was talking to the mother of the girl I played, and the conversation went something like this….

(the mother) So, who are you here with???? 

(Håkan) With Sandra, the one on the second court.

(the mother) Oh, so you’re here with your daughter,

(Håkan) uuuhhhh nope, she’s my wife.

Håkan was definately not so happy with the comment, since he thought it made him look like and old man.  But I was thrilled!!! I LOOK LIKE A TEENAGER, I LOOK LIKE A TEENAGER!!!, even though I was feeling like a grandma!!!jajaja  All of a sudden the pain in my toe nails and my back all stiffened up disappeared. The only thing left was the pain in my calve, it was almost cramping, but not yet.

It’s a shame that as a team in the end we lost the match, and we didn’t go up a division.  This was an important match since it decided who went up a division.  We play three singles and one doubles, I won my singles (7-6,7-5 after 2 hours) and we lost the other three points.  I played the doubles too, but there was no way in hell I was going to be able to move in the doubles, I did my best and my partner did too.  But the truth is that we were both out of energy.  We had fun, but since we were all quite competitive we were not all that happy when we lost.  We went to my house, drank some wine and ate some PIZZA!!! WEll, it wasn’t that bad, is not like we were suffering too much!!!