Ayer fui por Daniel a la escuela después de una semana muy difícil.  La semana pasada terminó con una nota muy positiva y en felicidad.   Sin embargo yo llevaba un par de días ya sin dormir. Annika ha tenido dificultades para dormir y quedarse dormida.   Creo que es una mezcla de varias cosas, esta demasiado cansada y le cuesta mas trabajo dormir.  Ademas que como yo estoy tan cansada tampoco puedo producir mucha leche y resulta que no queda tampoco satisfecha.  el caso es que habían sido ya varias noches.  Y durante el día reusulta que la única forma en que se duerme es en la carreola, y no le gusta mucho que me pare tampoco.  Asi es de que cuando duerme ella, yo camino. Y el resto del tiempo me toca recojer la casa etc… A la hora que podría finalmente descansar voy por Daniel a la escuela y me toca andar en la "pulca" o en el "snow racer".  En fin, el jueves estuve a punto de llorar pues no quería salir a caminar mas, y Annika se acababa de despertar despues de 25 min de dormir y estaba todavía cansada pero sin poder dormir. Asi es de que le quite su traje de nieve y la deje en la mitad de la habitación en el piso sin ningun peligro, y me fui a mi recámara. Ya no podía mas! grité y me traté de relajar.  Hasta que finalmente fui por ella otra vez. Una vez que la cargas, se calma.  

Today was my first day on the court.  It has been over a year, so I was so excited to get on the court that only putting on my tennis clothes was enough to get me in a good mood.   Yes, tennis is like riding a bike, once you've played it well, its there for the rest or your life.  It's so much mental, I know its all about attitude. If I'm thinking how lucky I am to be on the court once again, then I enjoy every second of it and life is good! If I start thinking that I need to play good, then the fun is gone.  So I've decided to enjoy every ball I get to hit. 

I step on the court, my knees are remembering that they can hurt too.  My inner thighs all of a sudden start jumping.  I now realize how much I get to use these muscles.  And the truth is after five months of giving birth for the second time, that's still the weakest part in my body. A big change from once having them very strong to feeling them shake after a light work out.  I've been to the gym now consistently, and I know that every time I work on my inner thighs I cry. I do some extra stretching, but not even that is enough against the "BIG BIRTH" It's getting better but I'm still far from being in the shape I once was.

Lupita is my mom, she has finally arrived.  She’s been here for almost two weeks and it has been great help.  Specially the first week, since I had quite bad contractions. I ended up in the hospital twice since she’s been here, first because we thought that the water had broken and they had to check.  The second time because I noticed that the baby was moving a lot less. But both times seemed to be OK.  So everything seems to be on track.  Now we have only two weeks left, and hopefully less.

My mom got here two weeks ago and at the beginning I must say it was very nice to see that Daniel remembers her like she was here yesterday.  They share such a nice relationship.  They sleep in the same room, because we think it’s best since later on when the next one comes she will sleep in our bedroom at the beginning. 

I think that pregnancy is such a big mental journey. Its to hard to describe, it has tested my patience. I’m so used to having lots of energy left and right, that when I try to do my life as usual I find myself dying of exhaustion and heat that I normally love is killing me.  I never thought I would complain about some heat in Sweden, I most say that this summer, I’ve been very happy those days that the wind blows nicely.  

My mom does lots of things with Daniel, she bonds with him so well.  I’m definitely very much like her.  When we are in the park I’m not the kind of mom that sits on the bench and watch her son from far.  Sometimes its true I like to observe, but since I take him to daycare during the mornings I don’t see the point of just sitting back and watching from far when its my big chance to play with him. Rolling over the sand and getting all wet is not a problem for me.  And of course I count with dirty pants every day.  I do have to do laundry every day.  But I think it’s so much fun.  I never thought I would enjoy being a mom so much.  Unfortunately my big belly is not always allowing me to do too much.  But soon I will be back on the sandbox and running all over Daniel. I can’t wait.  

Anyway, I’ve been observing my mom, and she is the same as me.  When she’s watching Daniel she’s actually playing with him wherever he is, no matter what he’s doing.  She’s on a bike, she’s running after the ball, she’s on the train…. etc, whatever…. of course she’s not 20 years old, and we take turns with Daniel, but even if its 20 minutes that I can rest and she can take over it makes the difference in the world.  Plus the fact that we get along so great that words are not needed in our relationship, all we need to do look at each other and we almost read our minds.  

No se si sabían pero resulto por cosas del destino que estuvimos en Alemania durante el mundial.  Desgraciadamente no encontramos tickets para el partido de México, pero de todas formas fui a la ciudad donde jugo México-Portugal "Gelsenkirhen".  Nosotros nos quedábamos en casa de unos amigos a unos 15 minutos, asi es de que no perdimos la oportunidad de ir a disfrutar del ambiente mexicano.

Resulta que el día del partido la ciudad estaba a reventar de mexicanos.  Todos con banderas gritando, cantando y disfrutando de verdad.  Cerraron una plaza pequeña donde vendían "Corona", "tequila" etc. y tambien había una pantalla gigante con sonido unas bocinas que transmitían las voces en español de comentaristas mexicanos.  Fue de verdad emocionante, y muy divertido ver que los mexicanos se comportaron muy alegres.  Ojalá que Daniel recuerde esos momentos, aunque tendrá que bastar con una que otra foto.  Lástima que perdimos contra Portugal, pero de todas formas me llevé un lindo recuerdo de esta Copa Mundial de Futbol. 

La verdad que para ir con niño, pues no es lo mas cómodo asi es de que estuvimos ahi un ratito y despues nos fuimos a un Pub donde un chico mexicano habia cocinado comida mexicana.  Lo mejor fue el guacamole y bueno, el simple hecho de que no habia mucha gente el en Pub y que Daniel pudo jugar tranquilo y comer rico.   

Pues ahora tuvimos una gran oportunidad de ir al concierto de Juanes aqui en Estocolmo.  Estuvo increíble porque el lugar era muy pequeño, es tipo un bar.  Y de hecho no habia lugares para sentarse era todos parados.  El bar se llama "Berns" y es uno de los mejores en Estocolmo.  Estuvo muy bien organizado y la pasamos excelente. Primero fuimos a tomar una copa (para mi un jugo, claro esta) y despues entramos al bar.  Yo para variar tenía ganas de ir la baño, y había una cola inmensa para entrar, asi es de que me acerqué a la entrada y enseñé mi panza.  Para algo debe servir tener una panzota!!! asi es de que nos dejaron pasar en frente de la cola y por si fuera poco nos pusieron en el balcón, con una silla para que yo estuviera más cómoda. No hubo de que quejarse, a la hora de ir al baño, hice lo mismo y todas las chicas lo entendieron. Me dejaron pasar en frente de la cola.  En realidad es muy dificil aguantar la pipi con la presión que ejerce la placenta en la vejiga. 

En fin, fue uno de los mejores conciertos que he asistido, mas que nada por la cercanía al escenario y la música de Juanes.  Tiene un ritmo muy alegre y el tipo te contagia de su buena vibra.  Me recordó mucho a mi amiga colombiana, la recordé con mucha nostalgia, pero con mucho cariño.  En un par de canciones hasta lloré, y no tanto por la canción sino porque el tonto de Juanes dijo, que esa se la dedicaba a todos aquellos que estaban fuera de sus casas. Y eso como siempre llega a calar lo mas profundo del corazón.  Claro esta que lo traté de disimular lo mas posible, pero la pasamos muy bien.   

So I don’t really know what it is exactly, all I can think of is that it’s a combination of the changes in the hormones and the fact that I haven’t been able to work out for almost 4 months.  I don’t think I’ve ever gone this far without working out.  I must say that if my last pregnancy wasn’t that much fun, this one seems to make it look like a walk in the park.  I honestly don’t understand why some women say they love being pregnant, really it’s the most boring time of all.  I love having a child and I didn’t mind giving birth etc, but the 9 months just getting bigger and bigger, it’s so mentally difficult.  All I want to do is to get it over with, skip it, just have the beautiful baby and enjoy every second of it. 

However I must say that we tried so hard for this pregnancy that I can’t complain the fact that we made it, and that we are expecting a new baby. I think it’s great, but the waiting is just killing me.  I’m almost starting to think that in the back of my mind I didn’t want to go through the whole pregnancy thing again, and that’s why it was so hard to get pregnant.  Yes, it’s true, I tend to overthink things.  

Anyway, this is basically the big reason why I haven’t felt like writting.  That and the fact that I feel very little sympathy from my husband.  It seems like everyone around me is taking care of me, and watching my every step, EXCEPT MY HUSBAND.  He almost seems to be annoyed by the fact that I’ve been useless in the past 3 months.  I even feel resentfulness from his part.  I feel guilty for being pregnant and having a hard time with it. WHAT’S UP WITH THAT????? While all the mothers help me pull Daniel on the sled on my way back from Day Care, my husband does the opposite.  During weekends if he’s been out with Daniel for 1 hour in the sled, he sees me and says, "hey! YOUR TURN TO PULL!!"

During our trip to Mexico, all he did was complain.  At one point he even made the worst comment ever.  He said, "Well, if you are going to be like this, (meaning that I couldn’t take care of Daniel) then I think it’s best we go back to Sweden now.  Cause I’ll rather watch him over in Sweden than in Mexico".  How could he say that? I wait and prepare a long time to visit my country, my whole year  goes slowly by, waiting for this chance to meet my family and friends.  And now it turns out that since I’m with a delicate pregnancy then I shouldn’t even go there.  Anyway, needless to say, what was supposed to be a stress free vacation all of a sudden after 10 days it became a tense situation for me.  In my mind I already had to work hard to please my husband, and keep him from thinking of going back to Sweden. 

Then I finally come back to Sweden and he wonders why I don’t write in my blog??? well I don’t write because I’m still so frustated, sad, and yes, disappointed that I don’t feel like writting.  I know its serves as good therapy, but I just don’t want to even get more upset.  I got very sick as soon as we got back, it’s been now almost 3 weeks since we arrived and I’m still sick as dog.  I can  bearly drop Daniel at school and pick him up in the afternoon, I’ve been so tired and my cough finally reached a dangerous point, so I’ve been now given penicilin and a bunch of other medicine.  Well, I’m finally starting to feel a bit better, but I’m still coughing and my voice is still with a super sexy tone.